


Used to Be (Like This)

by MidnightMinx90



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-07 19:17:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12239058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidnightMinx90/pseuds/MidnightMinx90
Summary: A (really small) drabble focused on Yuuri's depression





	Used to Be (Like This)

**Author's Note:**

> I struggle a lot with depression myself, and I greatly admire Yuuri for beating his own depression by “getting bored with it”. I wrote this, hoping it would help to put some of my own feelings when it comes to my own depression on paper. That it would be cathartic. One day it might get turned into a proper fic.

It’s like this.

His body betrays him. He hits the ice. The sounds from the crowd register. He falls again. Last place.

He calls his parents. Hangs up as tears start to flow. His body betrays him again. Something, or someone,hits the door to the stall. Someone else is in front of him. Another Yuri. That Yuri’s body doesn’t betray him. 

The other Yuri yells at him and it’s nothing he’s not told himself already.

 

—

It’s like this.

He doesn’t contact his own family, nor Yuuko and hers. Not Minako. Phichit and Celestino are the only two people he sees on a regular basis. Phichit sees how much he hurts, but he’s helpless to help him. He won’t listen to even his best friend.

It’s killing Phichit.

—

It’s like this.

He eats almost nothing for days. His body betrayed him. It needs food; he needs food. He doesn’t grant his body its wish. His body betrayed him on the ice. In front of his family and friends. In front of the world. In front of Victor, on the first event they shared. His body betrayed Vicchan’s memory and that hurts most of all.

So he betrays it right back. 

—

It’s like this.

He eats too much. He gains weight. He stops training. Sits in the apartment he shares with Phichit. Supports his best friend even when he can’t support himself. Because he can still be a good friend.

Even though his mind tells him he’s everything but.

—

It’s like this.

He learns it’s his mind. It’s not his body. He learns he did not betray Vicchan. He learns he still have friends and family who cares about him. That they care about his health. That they are proud he got as far as he did. That they blame themselves for telling him about Vicchan before the competition.Thinks it’s their fault he failed, because if they hadn’t told him, he wouldn’t have been distracted. 

He does not blame anyone. Not even himself.

—

It’s like this.

He is strong. He fights back with everything in him. Learns to skate Victor’s program. He takes the only love he has left and use it to mimic Victor. He takes the confidence that Victor radiates and he copies him on the ice to show himself that he can. 

He learns. Then he leaves.

—

It’s like this. 

He is strong enough that he returns home. He finds his childhood friend and show he’s improved. That he’s fine. That he’s strong enough to be tired of being depressed. He still suffers from anxiety. 

But he beat depression.

—

It’s like this. 

He beats depression. He learns to deal better with his anxiety. He earns a coach, a friend, and then a fiancé, all in the shape of his idol. He finds it all, earns it all because he found the strength to beat what tears others to the ground.

Because of himself.


End file.
